If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven and very, very few persons. James Thurber There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams                                                                                   10 Canine Commandments My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful to me. Remember that before you buy me. Give me time to understand what you want from me. Place your trust in me. It's crucial to my well-being. Dont be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your entertainment and your friends. I only have you. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it. Remember before you hit me: I have teeth that could easily crush the bones of your hand, but I choose not to bite you. Before you scold me for being un-cooperative, obstinate or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, or I've been out in the sun too long, or my heart is getting old and weak. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say: I can't bear to watch it, or Let it happen in my absence. Everything is easier for me if you are there. REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU.                                                                                   Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: They live here; you don't. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. I like my pets better than I like most people. To you they're animals. To me they are family.                                                                                   Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, dont ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.'                                                                                   A dog always offers unconditional love, cats have to think about it!! My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dogs already think I am A man may smile and bid you hail yet wish you to the devil but when a dog wags his tail,   you know he's on the level If you can look at a dog and not feel vicarious excitement and affection, you must be a cat                                                                                   Letter to my beloved pets Dear Dog and Cat, When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.) My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.                                                                                   Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans Blaming your farts on me ... not funny... not funny at all !!! Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A DOG, YOU IDIOT! Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons ... now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain. Taking me to the vet for the big snip, then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back! Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests ... Sorry, but I haven't mastered that handshake thing yet. Dog sweaters ... Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur? How you act disgusted when I lick myself ... Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. Now lay off me on some of these thing's, we both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poo do you ?                                                                                   How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Rottweiler: Make me Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeze, please, please, please! German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. (We don't need no stinking light bulb) Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Australian Cattle Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... Bichon: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. The Cat's Answer: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage? all of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff!                                                                             Hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? He lay awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.                                                                             Just a Dog From time to time, people tell me, lighten up, it's just a dog, or, that's a lot of money for just a dog. They don't understand the distance travelled, the time spent, or the costs involved for just a dog. Some of my proudest moments have come about with just a dog. Many hours have passed and my only company was just a dog but I did not once feel slighted. Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by just a dog and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of just a dog gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day. If you, too, think it's just a dog then you will probably understand phrases like just a friend, just a sunrise, or just a promise. Just a dog brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust and pure unbridled joy. Just a dog brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person. Because of just a dog I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it's not just a dog but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment. Just a dog brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day. I hope that someday they can understand that it's not just a dog but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being just a man. So the next time you hear the phrase just a dog just smile, because they just don't understand.                                                                             If I didn't have dogs and cats .... I could walk on my lawn barefoot in safety. My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated. All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair. When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel. When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through furry bodies who beat me there. I could sit on the couch and my bed the way I wanted, without taking into consideration how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable. I could tread on the bathroom mat without worrying whether there's a tail-less gecko underneath it. I would have money and no guilt to go on a real vacation. I would not be on a first-name basis with 3 veterinarians. The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit, down, come, no, stay, don't push, and leave him/her/it ALONE. My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers. My house would not look like a day care centre, toys everywhere. My pockets would not contain things like poo-bags, treats and an extra leash. I would no longer have to Spell the words B-A-L-L, W-A-L-K, B-E-A-C-H, I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside. I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much. I would not have to answer the question "Why do you have so many animals?" from people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by someone as close to an angel as they will ever get... How EMPTY my life would be.                                                                                                                                                         On the eigth day God wondered the earth naming all the animals he had created. All day during his travels a small animal faithfully followed at his heels waiting patiently for his name By the end of the day the poor animal was almost dead with exhaustion but still had no name to go by Turning to God, the animal asked the Lord You have named all the animals but me? God replied as he patted the tired head, You have followed me faithfully all day, almost dead with exhaustion, yet still you wag your tail. I shall give you the best name of all. I shall take my own name and turn it round. You shall be called DOG.                                                                             Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Her bright eyes are intent. Her eager body quivers. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying her faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author unknown